Ok, gotta stop my contemplating from ruining myself. It does not make any good on my system. How ungrateful am i for the food i eat, home i stay in, lover, friends and family that stays with me and accept me. Iám still blessed with things other people keep wishing all of their lives. But God knows how much I wanted to get back to a full time job, just that time is still not on my side. I just need to have faith everything will fall on its rightful place on its own time. God is good as He'll won't forsake me, I'll be repaying You back Lord, I promise.